The "I LOVE YOU" House

In a woman's bible study class that I am in, we are studying the Desperate Housewives of the Bible and the church where this is located also has a Christian Academy.  Last Wednesday (Jan 25), the leader of the group was explaining how a group of girls in the academy were not being "nice" and how the teachers got together with the girls and made an "I love you" group - basically mirroring the philosophy of Jesus of turning the check when someone does you wrong and having an attitude of love.  This lead into our lesson of being mad.  So often we find ourselves getting mad over the littlest things.  We identified in class this week whether we were a yeller, a stuffer, or a silent punisher.  Ask anyone in my house and they will tell you that I am a yeller.  The bad thing is that I really hate to yell - I know it is counterproductive and that when I start to yell, all anyone hears is "blah, blah, blah".  And the kids are picking up on the yelling as well - it has gotten to the point where all anyone of us do is yell.  So last week, I called it quits on yelling.  I am hoping that by curbing my yelling, the children will learn to curb theirs as well.

After hearing the story of the "I love you" group, I decided to turn our house into an "I love you" house.  The rules are as follows:

• whenever I feel like yelling at someone, I turn to them and say "I love you".  The key to this is you have to MEAN it when you say it.  This means no gritted teeth and no attitude.
• I lower my voice to a whisper so that the person has to focus on what I am saying in order to hear me
• I look at whomever the culprit is and ask what the problem is and I really listen to what they are saying
• Once the problem is identified, I empathize with them about however horrible or not horrible the issue is
• If someone starts to argue with me, I tell them that I love them way to much to argue with them and so it is not going to happen.

I will honestly say the first day, I said "I love you" and whole bunch.  The older kids actually looked at me and asked me to stop cause it was "freaking them out".  But that is what I wanted - I wanted them to realize there were changes being made.  I told them we were only going to speak in love with each other.  No more yelling at people, no more being mean or insensitive, and no more nasty attitudes.

It has been almost a week since I put this into play and I have to say that I do feel a better at the end of each day.  I am not getting worked up by all the silliness that once affected me.  The twins have learned that mommy means business when she whispers and I can see a change in them as they are not yelling as much either.  The bigger kids still need some work but honestly, they have almost 10 years of yelling engraved in their brains so I know it will take them longer to come around.  But one day, we will get there - and oh what a joyous time it will be.

It's Sunday, Why Aren't You in Church?

It's Sunday morning and again, we are not in church.  I know we need to go - how will my family learn to become His people if we do not surround ourselves with His people.  I want to go - I want to grow my relationship with my Lord.  I want my children to have a relationship with Him as well.  I want us to learn to walk with Him and put our trust in Him.  So why do I find it so hard to set the alarm on Saturday night so we can wake up and make it to church????? 

That my friends is the million dollar question.  The answer to which is this:

I AM SCARED TERRIFIED!!!!

Why am I terrified??? 

1.  I have this huge fear of the unknown.  And I have this huge fear of not being accepted - and I know that sounds really funny considering churches normally accept anyone - but I have this horrible image in my brain of walking up to the church with my children and not knowing where to go or what to do.  Everyone walks around me like I am nonexistent.  And this image holds me back. 

2.  I have this fear that I will get stuck in a church I do not like simply because my kids enjoy it.  And I know to some of you reading this, that might sound really funny, but to me it isn't.  My children's opinions matter greatly to me and I do not want to drag them from one church to another trying to find one I like.  I feel the end result of that would not be good for any of us.

3.  I have this fear that I will be going to church by myself - that my husband will not want to go with me.  And why this terrifies me so much, I am not really sure.  Part of me feels that there will be this distance between us if he does not go, and I do not want this distance there.  And I want him to want to go with me, not go simply because I bugged him to go.

4.  I have this fear of breaking down emotionally and people looking at me like I have lost my mind.

So I sit here and I struggle.  And we watch church on the television (well, normally just me and the kids because the husband is still sleeping) and I wish every Sunday that I would let go of my insecurities and just go already. 

I really need to put better trust in my God for deep down inside, I know he will not lead me astray.  I know that I am missing out greatly in building a complete body for Christ.

1 Corinthians 12:14-23
Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.
The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor.

1 Corinthians 12:27Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

Calm instead of confusion

For God is no the author of confusion but of peace.... 1 Corinthians 14:33

Confusion:  1. the act of confusing.

2. the state of being confused.

3. disorder; upheaval; tumult; chaos: The army retreated in confusion.

4. lack of clearness or distinctness: a confusion in his mind between right and wrong.

5. perplexity; bewilderment: The more difficult questions left us in complete confusion.

It's the start of week 2 on my journey of creating a clean heart.  Although I do have to say that barely anything was accomplished during week 1.  I could blame a number of reasons why I did not get anything done (hubby was home on leave, I slept in, the kids, the animals, etc.) but instead, I will put that ownership right square on my shoulders where it belongs.  Plain and simple, I did not do anything because I was LAZY!!!!!  That's not to say that some things did not get done - but ultimately, my goal of starting off the new year by getting my house cleaned and organized did not go anywhere.  I KNOW that I need to get up and clean, but then I get on FB, or go check my email, or do anything else other than get up and clean. I am tired of being lazy and my house reflecting it but I find it really difficult to break out of the chains that bind me.  But the most wonderful news is that it is a new week and I can do this. 

Week 2 is all about creating a calm out of the confusion - and with having 2 almost 3 year olds there tends to be LOTS of confusion!!!!  Someone is almost always crying or screaming or fighting.  And my response is to shrink further into the couch and attempt to ignore.  Not because I don't care but because I am overwhelmed by the upheavel they can bring.  I know this is not a positive way to approach things but I can honestly say "I AM OUT-NUMBERED!!!!!"  Somehow, I have got to start making order out of the confusion (read  disorder; upheaval; tumult; chaos; lack of clearness or distinctness; perplexity; bewilderment) before all control is lost and the house and people in it begin to run even further amok.

Our task for this week is to "create a calm {chaos & confusion FREE} area in your home to spend time seeking HIS peace. Clear the clutter from your desk or find a comfy chair in the corner of a room. Clear out the distractions & organize the items that you use to SEEK HIM!"  I know that I need to do this.  I need to take time everyday to spend with him asking for guidance.  And I also know that unless I schedule this time on my calendar and make an area to spend this time, it won't get done.  So I am off to figure out how to create calm in my confusion and  how to bring peace back into my heart. 

Psalm 119:165 "Great peace have they who love your law, and nothing can make them stumble."

Put your Trust in Him

A couple of weeks ago, I joined a weekly devotional group - Organized Hearts, Organized Homes.  We will be working from a 52-week Devotional for the Disorganized from Dandelion Seeds called "Create in me a Clean Heart".  We strive to bring ourselves closer to our Lord by cleaning out our hearts and our homes.  We are there to support and encourage each other as we learn to walk better for Him.  Each week there is a short devotional and a challenge. 

While this is the first week for the devotional, last week was our first challenge.  Our challenge was to create a list of items for either heart or home that we want to complete during this time.  If you would like to see my list, please read my very first writing.

Our devotional this week is “Trustin’ Him”.  Proverbs 3:5 states “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”  In the reading, the main question is “have you ever trusted someone and been let down” – and the answer to that question for me is a resounding “YES”.  I have had 4 close friends over the last 7 years hurt me so badly that I have difficulties in trusting others.  I keep people at an arm’s length because I do not want to let anyone get that close to me – the further away I keep them, the less likely I will lose my trust.  I do not like feeling this way by any means and I know that I need to trust my Lord to bring God-fearing people into my life.  The best news is that he is doing so.  He is also showing me how to forgive and let go of the past.

I need to remember at every step I take, I need to ensure my TRUST is with him and he will keep my path straight.  And I need to remember to continually make Him my best friend over everyone else.  Having him as a best friend means that I will never be alone again. 

Thank you Jesus for being there for me when others have let me down or walked away.  Thank you for being the best friend I could ever ask for.  Thank you for loving me for who I am.

I AM A CHILD OF THE ALMIGHTY!!!!!!

If you would like to join a group of amazing women on this walk, please join us at Organized Hearts, Organized Homes.  We would love to have you.