After hearing the story of the "I love you" group, I decided to turn our house into an "I love you" house. The rules are as follows:
- whenever I feel like yelling at someone, I turn to them and say "I love you". The key to this is you have to MEAN it when you say it. This means no gritted teeth and no attitude.
- I lower my voice to a whisper so that the person has to focus on what I am saying in order to hear me
- I look at whomever the culprit is and ask what the problem is and I really listen to what they are saying
- Once the problem is identified, I empathize with them about however horrible or not horrible the issue is
- If someone starts to argue with me, I tell them that I love them way to much to argue with them and so it is not going to happen.
It has been almost a week since I put this into play and I have to say that I do feel a better at the end of each day. I am not getting worked up by all the silliness that once affected me. The twins have learned that mommy means business when she whispers and I can see a change in them as they are not yelling as much either. The bigger kids still need some work but honestly, they have almost 10 years of yelling engraved in their brains so I know it will take them longer to come around. But one day, we will get there - and oh what a joyous time it will be.